Love Hurts

Has your heart ever physically hurt before? I don’t mean like a heart attack or anything. I mean because of an emotional response.  Mine has. I often wonder if that’s where the phrase &…

Source: Love Hurts

Love Hurts

Has your heart ever physically hurt before? I don’t mean like a heart attack or anything. I mean because of an emotional response.  Mine has. I often wonder if that’s where the phrase “love hurts” came from. It probably actually came from some poor woman who got her heart broken by some sorry guy that wasn’t good enough for her in the first place. I don’t actually know because I’ve never researched it. However, I have felt physical heart pains several times in my life.

I actually feel empathy pains for people. It happened a lot when I worked in the medical field. Especially when I really had a connection with a patient. Whatever part of their body that was hurting would hurt on me too. I know it sounds crazy. People that have never experienced it have no idea what it’s like. It makes me feel human though. It reminds me that deep down we all have feelings and want to connect with others.

I won’t ever forget when my oldest daughter was about 3. We were living in England and she was running around the house with the dog close behind at every turn. She decided to try to play a trick on him by shutting the door quickly behind herself. She ended up slamming her thumb in between the double doors and the result was not good. At the ER they were trying to numb her finger which was not turning out well since all the lidocaine was gushing out of the end of her finger. At that moment, I physically felt her pain in my thumb. It hurt so bad I almost passed out and had to have a friend hold her while I sat on the floor. I couldn’t decide it was a gift or a curse!

I was reminded of that empathy pain again today. I started thinking about how sorry I felt for this particular person and it made me ache for her and her family so bad. I think the worst part is that she probably has no idea how I feel about her. I would even go as far as to say that she would probably be shocked if she knew. I don’t think she particularly likes me very much. I can’t blame her really. I tried to put myself in her shoes and from her point of view I probably look like a pretty selfish person. I wasn’t trying to be. I really just wanted to help and be an asset. However, she probably feels like I made her look like a fool.

I’ve read that hurt can resemble meanness and anger in many people. People will say hurtful things to others to protect themselves from being hurt anymore than they already are. That’s what I see in this person I am describing. I see her doing things that are done to just be spiteful and resentful . Instead of being humble and realizing that what was done is done and cannot be changed, she lashes out.

Today, as she once again tried to take a jab to release that hurt and try to exert the power that she feels she is still entitled to, I felt it.My heart hurt for her.  I just wanted to tell her that I’m sorry and that the only thing she was doing was hurting herself. As a christian, I also know that harboring this kind of hate and resentment can push you farther and farther from your relationship with God. He wants us to be happy and look to the future instead of dwelling on the past. He also wants us to be kind to others so that they can see His love in us. We never know what another person is truly experiencing in their life. That’s why both sides of this is so important. She doesn’t know what I am dealing with and how I feel and vice versa.

If you are this person, just know that you don’t have to feel this way. You shouldn’t feel like you are constantly competing and needing attention. God doesn’t want that for you. If you are like me and feel the pain for someone else, tell them. Maybe you can be more brave than me and be able to say those two words that can be the hardest to say. I’m sorry is not an easy thing to express because it makes you vulnerable.  Help that person know God’s love and mercy so that they may feel it in their hearts too.

I absolutely love 1 Peter. There are so many verses in that book that I can’t pick just one or two! Here is a snippet of my favorites though…

1 Peter 5: 6-7 Be humble in the presence of God’s mighty power, and he will honor you when the time comes. God care for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.

1 Peter 3: 10 Do you really love life? Do you want to be happy? Then stop saying cruel things and quit telling lies

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Just let them pet the dog…

Have you ever experienced one of those moments that make you question a decision that you made? When you have to actually ask yourself, should I have done that, said that, or handled that situation…

Source: Just let them pet the dog…

Just let them pet the dog…

Have you ever experienced one of those moments that make you question a decision that you made? When you have to actually ask yourself, should I have done that, said that, or handled that situation differently? Yeah, me either sitting here at 1:30 a.m with a stomach ache from the food that I definitely should not have eaten. So, how do you handle a situation where you must make a quick decision and don’t know what to do? Usually I just wing it and hope for the best but I’m finding out recently that may not be the best idea.

If you have pets, this next bit might be for you. One of my dogs is very needy. She has to be the center of attention at all times. If anyone pets the other dog, even for just a second, she pushes her out of the way to get the attention for herself. She’s even been known to stand on top of my other dog just to steal the show. What’s worse is when guests come to my house and she won’t leave them alone and even jumps on them when they come in the door. No matter how many times I yell at her to “get down!” she still does it. Now, before you start giving me advice on how to break her of it, I’ve probably already done it. I’ve even had my friends show up randomly so that I could work on her not jumping on people and it still hasn’t worked. The dog is just needy and stubborn and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. The hardest part for me is how other people throw my hard work out the window. Here’s what I mean.

I work with this dog for hours a day. I tell people before they come over exactly what to do when they walk in. It’s all going great until it’s not. They walk in, she jumps, and they start petting her. As I’m yelling at her to get down, they’re just like “oh, she’s fine!” or “it doesn’t bother me!” I just want to say “it’s not fine and you just ruined my hard work!” Do I? No. I end up opening the back door for her to stay outside while my guests are over because at that point, it’s over. I always question if I should have corrected the person or just let it go.

Sometimes I think I have terrible quick decision making skills. Not like break or swerve decisions, but like a  what to say or, should I eat that donut kind of decisions. (There’s a reason I just cannot get great abs.) So, I’ve been wondering lately if there is a way to prepare or get better at these situations and I’ve come up with an answer. Let someone else decide! I’m being facetious but in all seriousness, my husband has actually said this.

Realistically, I guess you can prepare for some things.  Packing healthy snacks so you don’t grab that bag of chips at the gas station or telling your friend that if they let my dog jump on them, they’ll be the proud new owner of a mutt that can’t behave. Again…. facetious. Though some things you just can’t prepare for. A good example of that would be hitting an owl on the interstate and it getting stuck in your grill.Nothing I could have done would have made me avoid it and I didn’t know what to do after it happened either! (That’s whole different story)

Life can be like that though. Sometimes you just have to smile through it. Grin and shake your head up and down. There are times I ask myself “should I have said that?” or, “should I have said anything at all?” or “why did I say that?” I get so busy and caught up in the moment that I rarely stop to think about my words. They affect other people and can affect me too. I’ve had people tell me that I’m blunt, rude and even insensitive. I don’t try to be. I believe what I believe and I actually pride myself on the fact that I know why I feel the way I do about certain things as opposed to following the crowd. It’s the expressing it part that I have trouble with. I think that’s what a lot of people struggle with. Expressing your views or opinions while still loving people who don’t feel the same way as you do doesn’t have to be awkward.(Unless you are socially awkward like me. In that case never open your mouth in public because you never know what might come out under that sort of pressure) You can still love a person even though you may not meet eye to eye on certain things. In fact God commands it. John 13:34-35 But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you. If you love each other, everyone will know that you are my disciples. Another favorite of mine is Matthew 22:37-39  Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is. Love others as much as you love yourself.

No one person on this earth is perfect. Everyone does something at some point that they regret. However, if you prepare yourself properly, you can learn to show love and grace when you don’t know what else to do.Reading your bible and becoming familiar with what God expects from us is a great way to do that. Your bible and prayer is the best tool you have! Be specific! Ask God to show you exactly how to respond to people in awkward or last minute situations. Ask Him to give you the right words and to help others come to Him by seeing His love for us, in us. You might be surprised by how much better you are at making the right decision.  And if all else fails, JUST LET THEM PET THE DOG!

 

 

Needing your husband

I have said many times lately that I need my husband. Oh how I wish he was here. His laugh and his love for me makes me long for him. He’s been gone quite a while now and I’ve come to several realizations about myself as well as our relationship.

Every time I tell my husband that I need him, he promptly corrects me and says “you don’t need me, you want me.” He tells me all the time that I am a strong woman and I don’t need anyone. I’m glad he has so much faith in me. I, however, am not convinced or amused.

What’s ironic though, is in a way he’s correct. I’ve been a single mom working 4 jobs before and I know I can handle most anything. However, he is wrong when he says that I don’t need him.

I think most women can do things on their own. We can change a tire, change a diaper and change the paint color all in one day. Right now, I do most things on my own. He of course bears the burden of my tears when I feel defeated and bears the bills when I hit yet another bird with my truck. In a way I expect him to be there for all sorts of problems and events. He always is. He is always here for me no matter what.

There’s seems to be such a cliche about women’s dependency on their husbands these days. We are supposed to be strong and powerful and independent. We are expected to do it all and never act like we couldn’t handle any situation. I however, find something very powerful about being able to do something, yet also knowing that my husband would so gladly do it so that I don’t have to.

That’s the beauty of a wonderful marriage. Willingly bearing your spouse’s burdens. Knowing that life is better with them in it. Not ever wanting to be away from them.

I do need my husband. Not because I can’t do things on my own but, because we are a team. We lift each other up when the other is down. We are better together than we are apart. I wish everyone could experience the type of marriage that we have.

Never take advantage of someone you so deeply love. Show them you care as much as possible. Bear each others burdens and sacrifice when you don’t feel like doing anymore. God does it for us and we should be treating others with his same love.

Being confident

Do you ever think about your insecurities? Do you ever fear how others perceive you? I know I do. In fact, it’s one of the things that I dislike most about myself. I wish I was one of those women that are confident no matter if they are at church or the gym. However, I am far from it. I have been consciously working on my self confidence lately and I’m getting a little better. I want to share with you my strategies for achieving more self confidence and even more so tell you WHY you should be more confident.

First and foremost, people are not paying nearly as much attention to you as you think they are. Yes. Yes. The saying is true. The world doesn’t revolve around you. How many times have you told your kids that? I don’t mean it in a harsh way but, we see way more flaws in ourselves than others see in us. We look at every blemish, extra pound, or hair out of place on ourselves. However, when we look at someone else, we typically see their perfect makeup, matching purse and painted nails. The truth is, they are probably thinking about the same things you are.

What about other insecurities? I’ve never been too concerned about perfect hair or a matching purse but, I do sometimes think about how others perceive me. Sometimes I worry that if I don’t smile or talk to someone that I will come off as rude. I also sometimes think about how I am slightly socially awkward or really not very social at all. Starting conversations, ending conversations, it all makes me nervous. But, let me tell you why I starting really challenging myself to not care and just be myself.

God doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It only matters what He thinks of you. The sooner you start really focusing on what’s in your heart and not what’s on the outside, the sooner you will be able to feel more secure and happier with yourself. That doesn’t mean that I avoid people or that I don’t compliment them. It just means that I choose to spend my mental energy on praying, reading my bible or having thought provoking conversations.

I’m not saying that you should just roll out of bed in the morning and head to work in your pjs! It’s ok to dress nice or wear makeup or even have a matching purse! However, don’t stress about it. Don’t let thoughts about your appearance, or your personality consume your thoughts. Intentionally choose to focus your thoughts on more productive ideas. It’s easier said than done, I know. I’ve been working on this for years and those insecure thoughts still sneak in sometimes. Just the other day, two people that I know and consider friends saw me and didn’t say hi or even smile at me. My first thought was “they must be mad at me about something”. The truth is, they were busy and may have actually not seen me. Or, maybe they had so much on their mind that it didn’t even register that it was me when they looked my way.

No matter how you feel about yourself at this moment, you can start to change your mind set. God wants us to be happy with ourselves because he made us! 2 Corinthians 5:14We are ruled by Christ’s love for us….

 

Staying Positive

Laying my head down on my pillow last night was such a relief. The day took its toll on me and I was more than thankful to have a comfortable warm bed to retreat to. Most nights, I spend several moments reliving the day and thinking about things I could have accomplished but failed to. Last night was no different.

It is easier to be hard on ourselves than it is to congratulate yourself on a job well done. As for me, if I think positive things about myself, I feel like I am being boastful or vein. In reality, I believe that we should try to stay positive and not be so hard ourselves. It sounds good in theory but when you put it into motion it’s much easier said than done. It’s easy to get caught up in all of the negative. For me, I think about how I could be a better mom, a better friend,  keep a cleaner house, exercise more, or talk to the people that I love and care about more.

Some other types of situations can be even more difficult to look at in a positive light. There is one current situation that I have been dealing with that I am having the most trouble thinking positively about. It just seems like there is no end in sight and I am having trouble figuring out what lesson I am trying to be taught. I realized last night as I warming up my toes in my nice warm bed that it really isn’t as bad as I thought that it was. I focused on what I have which is love from my beautiful healthy children. I have food and a warm home. I have a husband that loves me unconditionally and constantly helps me through. These are the things that I am choosing to focus on in order to show God that I appreciate what I have and am giving him control of the other things that I wish to change but cant.

I have to be honest when I say that I am a worrier. I worry about everything and tend to dwell on things that I am unhappy about. Lately however, I have been very deliberate in making myself give up the worry and give it to God. I can’t tell you how much more peace I have in my life by doing that.

Happy New Year!

Half time is over. Kids are back in school. Alabama finally decided it was winter time. It’s a brand new year and like many people I have some goals for the year. I wouldn’t call them resolutions but there are definitely some things I want to focus on this year.

The very first thing I really want to work on this year is to get more active. I know, I know. Doesn’t everybody want to get in shape and get healthy? Yes. For me, it’s more about doing more than it is getting in shape. I used to be in such good shape. I used to work out all the time and run all the time. it’s not just about working out though. It’s about spending more time outdoors and spending time with people that I care about.

The second thing that I want to work on this year is my blog! I started this last year and I really enjoy it so, I’m not going to let the things that stopped me last year get in the way anymore. That brings me to my next goal.

Last year was a little bit of a rough year for me. My husband left for deployment, I lost my job, and some of it was very difficult to work through. This year, I want to work on turning to God more instead of trying to handle things on my own. It’s hard to give up control. But when we step back and realize that we are never really in control to begin with, it makes it a little easier.

2 Corinthians 4:8 We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we do not know what to do, we never give up. 9. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again.

That verse gives me so much comfort. There are days that I don’t even know what to pray for, but I know God knows my heart and he knows the things that I do not have words for. Our circumstances are temporary, and He will get us through, even if it takes longer than what we think it should.

Please leave me a message if you enjoy my blog! I would love to hear what my readers 2016 goals are!

 

Love is in the Air!

Have you ever had one of those moments that just kind of stops you in your tracks? I’m talking about one of those life altering moments that makes you really think about what you’ve been doing and how you need to change? That’s what I have been dealing with for over a week now and it’s been humbling to say the least.

My realization was this: I have not been showing other people the same Godly love that my heavenly father shows me.

About two weeks ago I vividly remember saying “I don’t hate people, but I hate this one person”. Those of you that know me can probably guess who that one person is on the first try. For those of you that don’t know, I’m talking about my ex husband. He is vain and self centered and rude and narcissistic and a control freak and a hypochondriac and and and….. I have a hard time saying anything nice about him at all. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I could just celebrate my birthday on a different day so that he could have the children when it was convenient for him. Seriously? So, needless to say I have a hard time being nice to him and I sure as heck don’t show him love or grace!

Then this happened. Sunday morning at church our new two part series was about loving people and loving God. He discussed Mark 12:28 where a religious teacher asked Jesus which commandment was the most important. Jesus told him that the most important was that God was the one and only God and that we are to love him with all of our heart, soul, and mind. He also states that the second and equally important is to love your neighbor as yourself.  Jesus states “NO OTHER IS GREATER THAN THESE.”

I know what you are thinking… Ok. Love people and don’t hate them. That’s easy.  But what does it really mean to love God and love people? It means putting others first. It means showing them kindness and grace even when you might want to just scream at them. It means biting your tongue when you might want to gossip about someone. I’m here to tell you. THAT IS NOT EASY. It’s especially not easy when that person may not even be nice to you.

The second thing that happened was that after the sermon, my good friend and I were talking about how we both had a moment of realization about the exact same thing. I told her that as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew what I need to do. I needed to show love to those people that I didn’t like.

The third thing that happened is going to see the movie “War Room”. If you’ve seen it, you’re going know right away why I felt like God was trying to really pound that lesson into me. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. If you’re a believer and you see that movie, it’s going to open your eyes to this concept of loving people even when you feel they don’t deserve your kindness.

The truth is, no one deserves love, grace, and kindness. It’s hard to put the concept into action. It’s really hard for us people that tend to just blurt things out before thinking. It’s like I need my brain to just stop in it’s tracks and think first. Like when I was driving down the road eating a big juicy hamburger and I pulled up beside a big trailer full of cows. I swear that cow looked me straight in the eyes and said “really?”. It makes you stop what you are doing.

The last thing that happened that really made me realize that I was trying to be taught something, is that every single one of my daily bible verses this week was about loving others. If you think that’s a coincidence then I just don’t know that we can be friends. I’ll still love you though! (See! I AM learning!)

If you struggle with loving others or showing them God’s love, then I really want to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and try. I am. When I really just want to snap at someone and tell them how stupid they are, I don’t. Instead I kindly try to redirect the conversation or just say what needs to be said and be done with it. Eventually, that person that is used to you being sarcastic or telling them off will probably ask you why you are being so nice to them. That is when you can tell them. I want to love others like I am loved.

John 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

1 John 4:11 Beloved, if God so loved  us, we ought also to love one another.

Husbands in 2015

I read a fabulous article today that totally expressed everything I feel about husbands and what they should and shouldn’t be. It also brought to life how we choose who we marry (most of us) and don’t simply end up with some randomly chosen person that may or may not be what we want, need and expect them to be.

When my husband and I started dating (or when we finally stopped being in denial that we were definitely more than best friends) I more than laid out some ground rules. Looking back, I actually think I may have been a little harsh. Before I met my husband I was married for 9 years and divorced for a few months. I swore after I got divorced that I was going to stay single for a very long time. I also swore that I would never marry someone in the military again. Wrong. Wrong again.

List of future husband must haves: (in no particular order)

1. must always put me first
2.  spontaneous
3. good job
4. loves my children
5. no smoking
6. not a party guy
7. loves animals
8. taller than me
9. does NOT want children of their own
10. does NOT already have a child
11. loves to travel
12. can put up with my ridiculous expectations…

I can tell you that 1. he doesn’t put me first because he puts my children first 2. he’s not as spontaneous as I would have hoped 3. he smoked when I met him but quit before we got married 4. he’s only slightly taller than me.

I had made a almost completely unrealistic list of things that my future husband would have to do, not do, be and look like. We’ve all had one of those  lists right? Dark hair, tall, loves to cook, loves my children, will hang the moon for me…. Some things were totally acceptable and then some, well…. I had been hurt so bad that I trusted no one. I felt like everyone I met had an ulterior motive and I especially felt like men were trash and the ones that weren’t trash were already taken by some blonde haired, big boobed stay at home mom that treated them like trash.  (I know I have issues right?!)

The truth is though, we have total control over who we marry. Because of that, we CAN be picky and we CAN expect that our future spouses have certain qualities. The problem is not that we didn’t “luck out” with how fabulous our spouses are. We chose them! I am so glad that I was picky about who I married. My husband is fabulous in so many ways it would be hard to list them all and I would probably bore you with all of my bragging. Too many of us these days are afraid to just let someone go because they do not meet certain criteria that we need in a spouse. WHY?!!! If you want a man that will help with children then tell that person BEFORE you marry them! Don’t marry someone just because you have fun together or even because you love them. (I mean you need to love the person you marry but that doesn’t need to be the only reason.)

When people tell me how “lucky” I am to have a husband that packs lunches and helps with homework and cooks and shares household responsibilities I think “no, I’m not, I chose this” I chose to marry someone that wants to help me and wants to make my life better and wants to love me regardless. I didn’t marry him first and then put those expectations on him and get mad when he didn’t comply.

We need to stop marrying the first person that comes along just because we think it will hurt too much to lose them. We need to start teaching our children the importance of finding the right person, not just a person that gives us butterflies for a while. Even more importantly, we need to teach our children how to be a partner to someone and what it really means to be a partner. I want my daughters to be good wives someday. I want them to be picky with whom they choose to be their partner so that they have a life lasting, happy, Godly marriage. If my husband and I cannot display that to them, then how will they know what that looks like?

Proverbs 18:22 The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.